Loving Bravely

By Karen Crawford

When I was about 15 years old my parents told me that my oldest brother, about 22 years old, had informed them he was gay.  To me, this was very bad news.  I was raised in the church and the only thing that had ever been discussed about this issue was that you couldn't go to heaven if you were homosexual.  So I was sure what that meant for his eternal salvation and it broke my heart. 

With this new information our family began to study and discuss the issue in more depth.  My parents were compelled to explain in every detail and from every angle why his lifestyle was wrong according to the Bible.  Letters were sent back and forth between all of us.  There were many tears shed through some hard conversations.  At the end of all that we had come to the conclusion we had to agree to disagree.  The more challenging part was still to come.  My parents struggled with how to continue to love and share life with their son, and I had to figure out the same in my relationship with him as a sister.  My parents were concerned about making sure their interaction with him and his life partner in no way condoned the lifestyle, but they didn't want to push him away.   

As I became a young adult I wrestled with what I believed the Bible really had to say about the issue. How would I not become a “homophobe” without throwing out what I believed and therefore abandoning my faith? To me it was very clear what the Bible said about that kind of lifestyle and I couldn't justify throwing those parts of scripture out without throwing the whole thing.  Thankfully, my relationship with God was well established by that time.  I trusted the Bible and I put my faith in what Jesus had come to do for all people.  I desperately needed to understand the purpose of God’s Word on a much deeper level.  I began to realize that sin is sin.  Any life that is lived apposing God’s perfect plan is a life lived apart from a relationship with God, and a relationship with God is what it’s all about.  I still felt a responsibility to bring him back to God, to “save” him.  He’s my brother and I wanted all good things for him, but the Holy Spirit kept   reminding me that it was not my job to save him, nor did I have the ability to do so anyway.  God freed me to live as his sister instead of his savior.  After being released of that burden, it allowed me to begin enjoying my time with him instead of feeling nervous and awkward around him.  I was able to start getting to know his life partner and begin to love him too.

There was an extra dynamic to figure out when my husband and I starting having kids of our own.  Our kids have two uncles instead of an uncle and aunt.  We decided that we would refer to my brother’s life partner as “uncle” because that was the place in the family that he was in, regardless of his and my brother’s relationship with God.  We viewed it the same as if my brother had turned away from God and married a non-Christian woman.  Would that woman not be my kids’ aunt because she wasn’t saved and for that matter would my brother cease to be their uncle?  Of course not.  We had to break down the cultural stigma opposed to that lifestyle as well as the agenda of those in favor of it.      

Now I feel blessed to have had this experience because now I can explain to my kids the truth about the Bible and a deeper understanding of this difficult issue.  This situation has also helped me see people a little closer to the way God does.  We are all broken and unworthy no matter what path we take away from God.  And the only way to become whole is recognizing how broken we really are and surrendering all of us to what Jesus did so that the Spirit can transform us.  None of our goodness is our own doing but the work of Him in us.