God’s Twisted Journey to Motherhood

By Kate Stucker

Today is a date I will always cherish in my heart.  A day that changed my life forever.  A day that ushered into my life a

women whom with I share a kinship and bond that cannot be duplicated.  Exactly two years ago Ryan and I sat across from this young woman, eating pizza, sharing our lives, and discussing what was going to happen in two days’ time.  We received a call just a mere four days before that she had decided we would be the adoptive parents to her son.  She and hit it off immediately… that is as well as two shy women in an awkward situation could ever hit it off.  We had common job experience, hopes, dreams, and a desire to give one special boy the best life he could possibly have.

My journey to motherhood is one that the planner in me would have never in a million years designed.  In fact my plans were completely different.  Having a heart for adoption far before my husband and I met I pursued the adoption of a young girl, a girl I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, but I still often find on my heart to pray for.  That adoption didn’t happen for a few reasons, but it did open the door for me to foster parent and confirmed to me that one day I would be an adoptive mom.  During our courtship I communicated clearly to Ryan my desire to adopt and he shared the hope as well.  Our plan was to have biological children and then adopt via fostercare once our biological children were older… God’s plan was completely different. 

A short two months after our wedding I was diagnosed with a serious lung condition.  The treatment of the condition, not to mention the condition itself, prohibited us from even trying to conceive.  It was a devastating blow to me followed by a cycle of flare-ups, illness, depression, and a realization that I may never be a mom.  During a time of prayer and seeking direction for what I was supposed to do with this reality my heart was once again turned towards adoption and after talking with Ryan we decided to move forward. 

The adoption agency listened to the reasons we wanted to be parents and why we couldn’t have biological children of our own.   They were amazing, great at their jobs, and devastatingly honest… due to my health we may have difficulty finding a placement. 

One afternoon I got a call from my pulmonologist who asked me to sit down and then told me he as working on the physician approval for our homestudy.  He quickly recapped my history and confirmed he was unsure of what the future held for me.  I was stable at the moment, but continued flares would mean I would require a lung transplant and due to the uncertainty of my medical future he could not declare on the adoption paperwork that I had a normal life expectancy.  It was another gut wrenching reality that we forged ahead through with the belief that we were moving in God’s will. 

When it came time for us to designate what we would and would not accept in a placement we had been through a series of thorough trainings about everything from medical conditions, genetic history information, open vs. closed adoption etc.  We had things we decided we just couldn’t handle medically, socially, or family history-wise, but they were few and far between. We also decided we wanted an open adoption… after what I had gone through medically we wanted to be able to have continued contact for health and genetic history information as needed as well as providing our child with a face, name, and information about where he or she came from. 

The longer the adoption process went on, the more doubt would bubble up inside me.  “If God really wanted me to be a mother wouldn’t he have made that a possibility?”  “Am I trying to defy God by using adoption as a work around to become a parent?”  “Maybe I really am not healthy enough to be a mom and need to just wait until God opens the door.” 

During the wait we received information about who was seeing our profiles, told when we were passed over for another family, and given little tid bits of information about birth mothers who were seeking placement.  In early September an email arrived describing a birth mom and the child she was carrying, a mom working with a different agency and not finding placement options, would we like to seek placement with her.  There were some medical concerns with the baby, but after reading about the diagnosis and praying we decided “yes”.  I thought about this baby constantly, waiting for emails saying what placement option the birthmother chose, and I can admit now what I never would have admitted then, I felt like this baby was my child.  A month went by with no information and in a bubble over of doubt and emotion during Bible study one morning I asked the women to pray for me because I felt like our adoption process was at a standstill and maybe we were seeking adoption against God’s will.  Not ten minutes went by after Bible study dismissal and I received the call that would change my life forever.  She picked us!  She didn’t want to meet us and decided, she didn’t need a phone interview, she knew we were it and wanted to meet us on Monday (It was Thursday)… oh and by the way, her C-section is scheduled for Wednesday. 

My journey into motherhood became richer and more blessed from the day of that call onward.  In two days my hero of a boy will be two.  Two years of life that have been through more medically than most adults will ever see.  Two years that have confirmed the ordeals of my lung disease and illness were part of God’s plan.  A plan to prepare me to be able to medically advocate for a helpless baby, to empathize with some of his procedural pain, and force me to quit a job I loved so I would be free and available to be the mommy he needed.  God’s plan ended up being fairly twisted when looked at from my humanly perspective sometimes I wonder if I caused some of the bends in my road or if what I consider a bend in the road is just a little heavenly nudge in the right direction.  If my journey thus far has taught me anything it is to pray God’s will and just keep moving forward… if it isn’t His will He will close the door and if it is it may take time, some growth, and possibly some pain, but it will be worth it in the end.

To read more about Kate, her family, and their story check out her blog at http://www.kateandcaboodle.com/